Honestly, if I can just speak personally for a sometimes the stuff I come across from the conservative alternative media universe really blows my mind. I mean, sometimes when I post an article to social media about something really stupid that conservatives did or said, I will find myself making the comment “the stupid it burns”. Well, in this case I already know I’ll be doing that again, because this time the stupid literally burns.
Yeah, in the course of my daily duties of perusing the right-wing propaganda-sphere I came across this amazing piece of stupidity on the steaming pile of nonsense known as Twitchy.com. And I was just stunned. Because the latest outrage driving conservatives up the wall (actually maybe I shouldn’t use that analogy) is the audacity of government scientists warning people not to try and… get this… roast marshmallows over the lava vents of an erupting volcano.
Yes, you read that right. Seems like common sense not to do this, right? Not to the don’t tread on me (I’ll tread on you) crowd… To quote the Twitchy article;
“If we lived next to Kilauea volcano in Hawaii, there’s a 100% chance that we would do this and film it and put it on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
But, according to alleged experts, roasting marshmallows over lava is dangerous”
Yes, by “alleged experts”, they do mean the scientists of the United States Geological Survey. But what do those eggheads know about science, and anyhow, science isn’t real, Jesus said so. Right? Wrong.
Erm…we're going to have to say no, that's not safe. (Please don't try!) If the vent is emitting a lot of SO2 or H2S, they would taste BAD. And if you add sulfuric acid (in vog, for example) to sugar, you get a pretty spectacular reaction.
— USGS Volcanoes🌋 (@USGSVolcanoes) May 29, 2018
Now, as an intrepid reporter and guy who is fascinated by volcano videos, I did my fair share of surfing about Youtube looking at the various news reports. This one really shows the situation best:
Side note: That is from CGTN, the China Global Television Network, which is at least partially funded by the Chinese Government. So, speaking of propaganda, take this source with a grain of salt, folks. But in this case, the story checks out, and the visuals really tell the story.
Then there’s the article from Express in the UK which points out that the scene is “horrifying” as “lava fountains” shoot into the sky. But here’s another video that really brings it home…
In the video above reporters describe the area as a “hellscape”, where there are “entire neighborhoods surrounded as lava flows freely in the streets, with homes bursting into flames.”
But yeah, “nanny state”…
Oh, and it gets better, too. You see, it’s not just the lava, and the tiny lung destroying fragments of volcanic glass, and the plumes of poisonous gas, and airborne sulfuric acid clouds that a moron with a marshmallow would have to contend with, then there’s what happens to that marshmallow – which is sugar based – when it is exposed to that sulfuric acid:
So what is the conservative moron response to that? Here you go…
“And you mean to tell us that something “spectacular” might happen if you roast marshamallows under certain conditions?! This is like a volcano scientist’s version of a “Wet Paint” sign that really means “Must Touch”
No, moron. The “wet paint” sign doesn’t mean “must touch”, and random chemical reactions aren’t something to trifle with. But, that’s not stopping any of you, is it?
Me: *immediately buys bag of marshmallows, graham crackers, Hershey's bars, ticket to Hawaii… https://t.co/xfnnBb9pHQ
— Kevin Baron (@DefenseBaron) May 29, 2018
No need, man. This being the world that it is, it’s already been done…
Oh well. Science will win in the end. Probably by proving the theory of evolution…
Featured image via Storytrender/Youtube.